Whiskey Lullaby
by wildandfearless
Summary: It's a story that follows the lyrics of Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley. If you haven't heard the song, you should! It deals with suicide and alcohol, just a warning!


Disclaimer: I don't own anything! The characters belong to Dick Wolf, and the song lyrics (which are bolded) are by Brad Paisley and Allison Kraus.

A/N: This song came on my iPod today, and this idea popped into my head, so I thought I'd write it out! Reviews are appreciated!

**She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette**

**She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget**

**We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time**

**But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind**

**Until the night…**

Elliot picked up the Ledger and immediately saw the small picture and caption in the bottom corner.

Manhattan SVU Captain marries Homicide Detective.

He took a deep breath, and was immediately taken back to the last day he saw Olivia, over a year ago.

_Olivia was woken up early one Saturday morning by a loud knock on her door. She sighed as she stumbled out of bed. She sleepily walked towards the door, and pulled it open. _

"_Don't you know what day-"_

_Her words were immediately cut off as she stared into the blue-eyed man in the hallway. _

"_Elliot. What are you doing here?"_

"_Liv, I love you", he blurted out. _

"_El?"_

_He moved towards her, trying to pull her into a hug, but she stepped back. "El, it's been four years. You never called, you never came by. It's like you dropped off the earth. And now you are at my door, expressing your love, expecting me to love you back?"_

_Olivia hadn't meant for her words to sound so harsh, but it was the truth. She had spent the last four years trying to get over him, and she had finally succeeded. _

"_I'm sorry, El. But I can't do this" she whispered, as she closed the door. _

He was pulled back into reality by the loud ringing of the phone. He didn't move to answer it; he just stood in his kitchen staring down at the picture in front of him.

Olivia had on a white dress. Her eyes were sparkling, and her smile was filling the room with light. Brian was standing next to her, hugging her, smiling. Olivia looked happy, and Elliot tried to feel happy for her. But he couldn't. "That should be me," he whispered.

He tried to forget the image of Olivia and Brian, but he couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see her smile. He could see the ring on her left hand, the happiness that they both shared.

He shook his head as he reached into the cabinet to grab a bottle of whiskey. He sat on the couch and took a long sip. The alcohol burned as it slid down his throat, and his mind was momentarily taken away from Olivia. He took another sip, and another, and another.

He woke up the next morning, hoping it had been a dream, but he couldn't help but see the picture, still on his kitchen counter. He couldn't believe that Olivia was married. She did look happy, but she was supposed to be happy with him. He loved her, more than he could ever say. But that was the problem- he never told her when he had the chance. She had moved on, rightfully so. Elliot silently cursed himself as he grabbed another bottle of whiskey.

Elliot spent the next few months on his couch. He didn't go out, he didn't invite guests over. He drank all day, every day. He tried to forget her- hoping that he could find some sort of happiness at the bottom of each bottle. But the more he drank, the more he hated himself.

Cragen and Munch refused to stand by and watch Elliot ruin himself. They stopped by his apartment as often as they could. They hated seeing him like this, but they knew nothing they did or said would help him. They did, however, endlessly try.

Olivia had begun to haunt his dreams. All he could see was her twirling around the dance floor, in her beautiful white dress, with Brian Cassidy wrapping his arms around her. He could clearly see the smile on her face. His heart broke a little each night, until one night it completely fell apart.

**He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger**

**And finally drank away her memory**

**Life is short but this time it was bigger**

**Than the strength he had to get up off his knees**

The next morning, Munch and Fin knocked repeatedly on Elliot's door.

"Listen, man, I know you're in there. Open the door!"

After 15 minutes, they decided to kick in the door. They walked into his apartment, and gasped when they looked into his bedroom.

**We found him with his face down in the pillow**

**With a note that said I'll love her till I die**

Within 30 minutes, the apartment was filled with crime scene workers. Melinda walked straight over to Elliot and shook her head. She immediately ruled it a suicide- his blood alcohol level was off the charts, and there was a gun in his right hand. There was a single shot straight through his chest. She walked over to the other detectives, looked up at them with teary eyes, and handed them a folded piece of paper. "This was in his hand. I didn't open it- it's addressed to Olivia"

A few hours later, Cragen called Olivia into his office. "Liv, you need to sit down."

As she sat, he reached out and handed her the folded piece of paper. "It was in his hand this morning. I'm sorry, Olivia"

She cried as she unfolded the paper, and she slowly read the words through her tears.

_Olivia, _

_First, please know that this wasn't your fault. _

_I'm sorry that it came to this, I truly am. But there was no way out for me. I have hit bottom, and this was my only option of escaping. _

_I am truly happy for you. You deserve a good man, who will be by your side no matter what, and I'm glad you found Brian. _

_But, I love you. I have since the first day I met you, and I always will. I know I should have told you sooner. I was too late. I never took the chance to share my feelings, to pull you in and give you a kiss, to spend the rest of my life with you. I thought about it every day, Olivia. But I never did it. And that is something that I will always regret. _

_I know that I left you. I left and I didn't call. I couldn't bear seeing you every day and not being able to have the courage to tell you how I felt. I chose my failing marriage over you, and I will never forgive myself. _

_I want you to move on from this. I want you to be able to be happy with Brian. Don't worry about me- I'm in a better place. Start a family, Liv. You deserve it. _

_I love you with all of my heart, _

_Elliot_

Olivia sat in the chair and sobbed. She couldn't believe that he was gone. He had been her best friend for so long. And deep down, she loved him as much as he loved her.

Elliot's funeral was a small police burial. Olivia cried as she watched the casket being walked down the line of drums. The guns went off, and he was lowered into the ground. He was gone, forever.

**And when we buried him beneath the willow**

**The angels sang a whiskey lullaby**

**La la la la la la la...La la la la la la laaaa...**

**La la la la la la la...La la la la la la laaaa...**

Olivia took the next week off, and spent it alone, consumed by her thoughts. She was happy with Brian, but she knew that she would never feel the same burning, passionate love with him that she felt towards Elliot. Soon, she could feel the pain that Elliot wrote about. She loved him, but she never had the courage to say. And now it was too late. She found a bottle of whiskey, took a deep breath, and took a sip.

**The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself**

**For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath**

The more she drank, the more she realized that she was becoming her mother, which only caused her to drink more. She pushed Brian away. She didn't want him to hurt, but she couldn't pretend that she wasn't dying inside. She knew that it was killing him to see her like this, but she didn't want to be sober. Because she didn't want to feel the pain. She didn't want to see Elliot's lifeless body lying in a casket. She didn't want to hear his voice whispering, "I love you" to her.

**She finally drank her pain away a little at a time**

**But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind**

**Until the night…**

**She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger**

**And finally drank away his memory**

**Life is short but this time it was bigger**

**Than the strength she had to get up off her knees**

It was Brian who discovered Olivia's lifeless body lying on the kitchen floor. He ran over to her, and began to cry when he realized that she was gone. He wiped his tears away, and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. He looked down at her face- after so many months of torturing herself, she finally looked peaceful. Brian took a deep breath, and told her how much he loved her. He grabbed the wrinkled picture of her and Elliot out of her hand. She had written, "I love you too, El" on the back. He folded it and put it back in her hand.

**We found her with her face down in the pillow**

**Clinging to his picture for dear life**

The funeral was packed. Olivia had touched everyone somehow, and they knew that their lives wouldn't be the same without her. Through it all, though, there was finally a sense of peace, knowing that she was no longer carrying around all of her pain.

Olivia was laid to rest right next to Elliot. They were finally together.

**We laid her next to him beneath the willow**

**While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby**

**La la la la la la la...La la la la la la laaaa...**

**La la la la la la la...La la la la la la laaaa...**

A/N: I'd love to hear what you think! Please be nice- it's the middle of the night. I apologize if there were any mistakes!


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